Epic Cullen AIM
by HanyouHeroine
Summary: That's right, I'm a conformist like that. I think it's funny, but I'd like your opinions!
1. Jakeward?

_**Disclaimer: I own Twilight, all the rights, characters... etc. OWNED, Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**Okay, not really.**_

_**A/N: I'm in a jittery mood, so I'm taking it out on my keyboard. And yes, I know this has been done before. But I'm allowed to conform if I so desire, so yeah. Read On!  
**_

_CULLEN AIM! _

_"Jakeward?"_

_BrownEyedHuman has just signed on._

_I-Saw-That-Coming has just signed on._

_TheOneWhoLooksLikeHesInPain has just signed on._

_BrownEyedHuman: _Hey, guys!

_TheOneWhoLooksLikeHesInPain: _... Why are you so happy?

_I-Saw-That-Coming: _Hey, Bella! Um.. Jazz, is she not allowed to be happy?

_TheOneWhoLooksLikeHesInPain: _Well, I'm the one who has to feel it. Maybe I don't want to be happy.

_I-Saw-That-Coming: _But... are you saying I don't make you happy? *Cries even though it's not possible*

_BrownEyedHuman: _*Gasps* JASPER! How could you say that!

_TheOneWhoLooksLikeHesInPain: _That's not what I meant! Yes, Alice, you make me happy, but it's not voluntary!

_I-Saw-That-Coming: _So, I make you happy, but you wish I didn't?

_TheOneWhoLooksLikeHesInPain: _Oh, for the love of the Non-Existant Vampire God!

_BrownEyedHuman: _Personally, I think Carlisle is the Vampire God.

_I-Saw-That-Coming: _*Sniffles* I agree, Bella. And you know what that means?!

_BrownEyedHuman: _Oh, no. I think I do, I'm just hoping I'm wrong.

_I-Saw-That-Coming: _SHOPPING!

_BrownEyedHuman: _**NOOOOOO!**

_**BrownEyedHuman has changed his/her status to: Hiding from Alice. Msgs? **_

_**I-Saw-That-Coming has changed his/her status to: Bella, are you stupid? I can see where you're going to hide. ~ GONE TO GET BELLA AND GO SHOPPING!~**_

_TheOneWhoLooksLikeHesInPain: _I'm loooonely, I am so loooonely...

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking has just signed on._

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking: _What the hell, Jasper?

_TheOneWhoLooksLikeHesInPain: _EddieKinz, I'm depressed.

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking: _Then make yourself happy? WAIT, DO NOT CALL ME EDDIEKINZ!

_TheOneWhoLooksLikeHesInPain: _Why not? You let Bella do it!

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking: _Only when we're -- WAIT, how do you know about that?!

_TheOneWhoLooksLikeHesInPain: _Vampiric hearing?

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking: _Dude, you don't need to listen to Bella and I to get horny. You can do that to yourself, and don't be so sensitive!

_TheOneWhoLooksLikeHesInPain: _D-don't SAY things like that! I need to go find Emmie-Bear!

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking_: Ten bucks says that's what Rose calls him when they're "Busy"

_TheOneWhoLooksLikeHesInPain: _Nope. Only I'm allowed to call him that!

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking: _I don't think I want to know...

_**TheOneWhoLooksLikeHesInPain has changed his/her status to: Ooooh, Emmie-Bear, wheeeerrreee arrrreee yooouuuu? ~Not here!**_

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking: _Great. Now I'm alone. Ooh... a link for porn...

_THREE HOURS LATER!_

_**BrownEyedHuman is: Back.**_

_BrownEyedHuman: _Edward! *Jumps up and down hysterically*

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking: _Hello, love! How did shopping go?

_BrownEyedHuman: _Wonderful for Alice. Semi-Wonderful for me. Though we did get Carlisle a shirt with "GOD" printed on the front... And... And...

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking: _And? Wait... SHOPPING was SEMI WONDERFUL?! What happened?!

_BrownEyedHuman: _Well, remember the credit card you gave me?

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking: _Yes? Did you finally use it?!

_BrownEyedHuman: _Yes! I bought a cat!

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking: _... You broke in a Platinum Visa, to buy a cat... ?

_BrownEyedHuman: _His name is Jakeward. Combined, I love him more than you or Jacob!

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking: _Hang on! You... _love_ JACOB?!

_BrownEyedHuman: _I thought that was obvious. We make out at the Beach whenever I go down to La Push.

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking: _You're not allowed in La Push anymore.

_BrownEyedHuman: _*Yells* THIS IS WHY I LOVE JAKEWARD MORE! THE TWO OF YOU ARE SO... _**CONTROLING!**_

_**BrownEyedHuman has changed his/her status to: Bella LOVES Jakeward :3**_

_**BrownEyedHuman has signed out!**_

_IKnowWhatYoureThinking: _What the hell just happened? Wait, I forgot to tell her that Vampires are allergic to cats!

_**IKnowWhatYoureThinking has signed out!**_

_**--All Contacts Are Offline.**_

_**A/N: Did you love it? Hate it? Want more? I'm hoping to continue this, but not if you don't want me to! ; ] REVIEW PLEASE!  
**_


	2. Antics and Allergies

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**"I own Twilight!"**_

_**"No, you don't."**_

_**"Screw you, invisible dream-killer!"**_

_** That's right, I went there!  
**_

**Chapter Two!**

**"Antics and Allergies"**

_**MotherGoose has just signed on.**_

_**BlondeGoddess has just signed on.**_

_**IKnowWhatYoureThinking has just signed on.**_

_**VampireGod? has just signed on.**_

**VampireGod?: Okay, who changed my screen name?**

**MotherGoose: Oh, don't complain, Carlisle. It's fitting...**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: Alice and Bella did it!**

**BlondeGoddess: Speaking of BELLA! Make her leave that infernal cat at home!**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: But... she loves it... **

**BlondeGoddess: Dispose of it.**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: I'm intrigued. Go on!**

**BlondeGoddess: Okay, here's what we're gonna do...**

**~ TWENTY MINUTES AND ONE FORMULATED PLAN LATER!~**

_**BrownEyedHuman has just signed on.**_

**(Everyone but Bella) : ...**

**BrownEyedHuman: What did I do? **

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: Nothing, love. Nothing.**

**BlondeGoddess: *Snickers***

**BrownEyedHuman: Oh, okay. Well in that case! Me and Jakeward are coming over!**

**MotherGoose: NO! I mean... that might not be a very good idea Bella...**

**BrownEyedHuman: Why not? **

**VampireGod?: Um... we're all... sick?**

**BrownEyedHuman: You can't get sick...**

**BlondeGoddess: *Sneezes***

**BrownEyedHuman: FORCE OF HABIT, I TELL YOU! Jakeward and I will see you all in fifteen minutes!**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: Bella, we need to talk.**

**BrownEyedHuman: ... About?**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: Us.**

**BrownEyedHuman: ... What did I do, Edward?! You told me your loved me! **

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: Bella... I feel it's time we've reached an ultimatum. It's... me, or Jakeward.**

**(Everyone): *Cricket Cricket***

_**BrownEyedGirl has changed his/her status to: "...Thinking about things. Leave messages if necessary..."**_

_**BrownEyedGirl is "Away"**_

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: What have I done?**

**MotherGoose: It'll be okay, sweetie. You know she'll pick you, but she'll need time to get over the loss of ... Jakeward.**

_**I-Saw-That-Coming has just signed on.**_

**I-Saw-That-Coming: EDWARD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: Um.. what did I do?**

**I-Saw-That-Coming: I just had a vision of Bella going to Italy!**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: WHAT?!**

**I-Saw-That-Coming: She's dead-set on it, but I don't know why. All I see is her on the plane.**

**VampireGod?: You don't think she'd....**

**MotherGoose: No! She can't! She'll offend the Volturi with such an inquiry! Go stop her, Edward!**

**I-Saw-That-Coming: She's not leaving until tomorrow, you have time.**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: I don't get it, I'm too far away from you too read your minds. What's she going there to do?**

**VampireGod?: Probably to ask the Volturi to turn Jakeward immortal.**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: WHAT! No!**

**MotherGoose: You should've told her about the allergy, Edward.**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: They'll... they'll ... kill her... if she asks that...**

**BlondeGoddess: Edward, just let it go. If she wants to die for the stupid furball than let her do what she wants.**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: I WILL NOT LET HER! SHE IS MINE! MY PROPERTY! AND I WILL NOT LET HER OUT OF MY SIGHT! SHE IS NOT TO GO TO ITA--**

_**BrownEyedHuman is: Back.**_

**BrownEyedHuman: ... Excuse me, Edward? I am NOT your property! You're just JEALOUS of my JAKEWARD! If that's how you feel, I'll just have to make Jakeward immortal, too!**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: But, Bella... you can't...**

**BrownEyedHuman: And why exactly can't I? Because you wont ALLOW me to?**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: No, because you'll die.**

**BrownEyedHuman: Nice try. I'm going to go buy my ticket to Volterra!**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: ... Fine, but I'm going with you!**

**BrownEyedHuman: Aww, really? You'd do that for me?**

**IKnowWhatYoureThinking: Of course, love. Anything for you.**

**MotherGoose: Awwww!**

**I-Saw-That-Coming: Woah. I didn't see that...**

**VampireGod?: Be CAREFUL!**

_**BrownEyedHuman has signed off to see about turning Jakeward into a Vampire Kitty.**_

_**IKnowWhatYoureThinking had signed off to make sure Bella doesn't die!**_

**BlondeGoddess: Wow! Abandoning the PLAN much!?**

_**A/N: Dun-Dun-DUNNNN! What do ya think? **_

_**Revieww!**_


	3. BECAUSE I SAW IT, THATS WHY!

_**Standard disclaimers apply.**_

_**A/N: Now I have two fanfics (possibily three) on the G-O ! Aren't I amazing?**_

**Chapter Three!**

**"BECAUSE I SAW IT, THAT'S WHY!"**

_EmmettIsCoolerThanYou has just signed on._

_I-Saw-That-Coming has just signed on._

I-Saw-That-Coming: Emmett! Finally, you conformed! ... Well, I knew you would, but still. It's nice to see you didn't change your mind.

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: Oh, go shopping for Vampire God's sake!

I-Saw-That-Coming: ... You're right... Carlisle needs more God shirts...

_**I-Saw-That-Coming has changed his/her status to: SHOPPING! ALL HAIL CARLISLE, VAMPIRE GOD!**_

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: Great. Now I'm all alone. Maybe I shouldn't've signed up for this...

_YouDontKnowMe has just signed on._

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: ... Hello!

YouDontKnowMe: Hello, Monkey Man. I mean... Emmie-Bear. I MEAN, EMMETT!

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: Who are you?!

YouDontKnowMe: You don't know me.

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: No, I'm not asking for your screenname, I can see that much. Is this Jasper? UGH! I really should've made everyone add me before I started coming on!

YouDontKnowMe: No, you don't get it. You actually don't know me...

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: Then, how do you know about Rose's and Jasper's nicknames for me...?

YouDontKnowMe: Because I'm omniscient.

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: Huh?

YouDontKnowMe: It means "All-knowing". I'm your narrator!

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: So, you narrate everything I do?!

YouDontKnowMe: Well, not specifically you... I narrate your family! I write about what happens! Even before it does!

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: OH! You're ALICE! Wait... Alice just left...

YouDontKnowMe: I know, I just wrote that. I'm not Alice, I'm not in your family, I'm Meg. The omniscient narrator ! Don't make me, make you, tear yourself apart and light yourself on fire.

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: If I'm torn apart, how can I light _myself_ on fire?

YouDontKnowMe: ... Don't ask questions, okay? I'm the one writing this bitch, so I can do whatever I want!

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: ... Okay, someone needs Jasper to calm her down.

YouDontKnowMe: HEY! I DIDNT SAY YOU COULD WRITE ANYTHING! AHHHH! MY POWERS ARE WEAKENING!

_**YouDontKnowMe has signed off to think about life, and continue writing about the Cullen family.**_

**~Seven Hours Laters~**

_**I-Saw-That-Coming is Back.**_

I-Saw-That-Coming: EMMETT?! Are you okay? I shouldn't have left... but I knew she was coming on, and I didn't want to be online in case she got mad at me and tried to kill me or something, but I knew you'd be online and I should've told you but-

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: That is okay, dear sister. I'm a perfectly accepting individual. I'll graciously accept your apology! Would you like to go for a quick deer, and maybe a few elk?

I-Saw-That-Coming: ... What the hell, Emmett?

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: OMG! ALICE, HELP! She's controlling me! The narrarator is making me do it! HELPPPPPPP!

I-Saw-That-Coming: Oh, I forgot. I was expecting that.

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: Expecting that?! You knew she was going to do that to me?!

I-Saw-That-Coming: Yes, it was a snap decision though.

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: But... why didn't you stop ittt?

I-Saw-That-Coming: BECAUSE I SAW IT, THAT'S WHY! If I had to have stopped it, I wouldn't have the satisfaction that I feel whenever one of my non-fatal visions come true. I feel whole!

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: Wait, you feel who's hole?

I-Saw-That-Coming: EMMETT! THAT WAS NOT MEANT AS AN INNUENDO!

EmmettIsCoolerThanYou: ... Something about "Commando"?

_**I-Saw-That-Coming has changed his/her status to: Wondering how to kill the narrator. I know people will message me, so do it, I don't care.**_

**A/N: Sorry that it's short! But it's like, 10:40PM, and I just finished writing chapter 23 of my other story, (Nearing Dusk), so I'm kind of tired seeing as I just read 100 pages of Night World Three. So... review! And, Goodnight!**


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